Mike’s Escape now available for free on Android! (I have no idea how to promote an app)

What’s up guys, this is Jonny from MoonChimps Media. I want to tell a quick story.

The first job I ever had, I was 13, and I got a job going door to door selling chocolate bars.

I heard about the job from some other kids at school. One kid said he was making whatever, twenty bucks a night. Right after school, he would walk to the 7-11. This sketchy van, or was it a van? There was a van, and  a couple other cars. Point is, you get picked up with all these other kids. Grade seven, grade eight, grade nine kids. All of them are under 18. The drivers would drop them off and give them maps. They would highlight areas they were about to do, areas they had just done. It was all color-coded. They would drop off all these kids. These cute little kids, and we’d go door to door.

Each kid would get either the left side or the right side of the street. You’d do the whole block, and you’d do the next block. You just follow the map and keep going. When you got to the end, you’d call your driver and they’d pick you up. Our driver was Mary-Anne. What the fuck did she have – she had a white Chevy – I think it was a Monte Carlo.

We made like twenty bucks, twenty five bucks, thirty bucks a night. The guy who ran it, his name was Big Eddie. He was this big fat Italian guy., who died at 37 years old. That’s when the whole thing fell apart.

He had this business going for a couple years, and then he died of pills. Apparently he was popping a lot of pills. But yeah, he died at 37, Big Eddie. I cut out his obituary from the local newspaper, I kept it, I still have it. It’s all curly and yellow now, but yeah, he’s been dead a long time.

So, the thing he was doing, he was with a certain charity. I don’t want to say the charity’s name, as far as I know there was never like an investigation, I never saw anything. I’ve googled the name, the real charity pops up, but nothing  about the fraud he was doing. It wasn’t fraud – I dunno. I never saw his books. It could’ve been legit in hindsight.

But basically, the chocolate bars sold for three dollars. And people would buy them, right. So Eddie would get a dollar, the charity would get a dollar, and then we would get a dollar. So we got 33 percent of everything we sold, right. But that also gave us leeway, because we could start doing two-for-five deals. That way you sell two chocolate bars, still make the same amount of money, but get rid of more, and there were sales bonuses and stuff. So you wanted to just get rid of your chocolate bars.

And you had to carry to fuckin’ carry the things, you had a little lunch pail full of them. It was better to sell them to lose the weight.

It was a very basic sales lesson for me, because the more doors you knocked on, the more sales you would make. But sometimes you would go thirty minutes, forty minutes, a whole hour without a sale. And it’s like fuck, I made zero dollars the past hour. This fucking sucks. Especially at 13, you want to play video games, go play basketball and shit.

But no, you’re fuckin’ walking around asking strangers about chocolate bars. And it’s like, if I was actually making some sales, making some money, this would be worth my time. But I may as well have been jerking off for the past hour, I would’ve made the same  amount of money.

But I learned that the more doors you knock on, the more money you’ll make per day. Not necessarily per hour, but per day.

So, Tyler and I have been working on apps and games. Tyler’s doing all the fucking work to be honest, I’m not doing anything, which is why I’m doing stupid shit like this promotion right now. I’m trying to promote this app, but I don’t know how to fuckin’ promote an app. I’ve never promoted an app before.

Really the only sales experience I have is fuckin’ going door to door, and uh, what else did I do? I did some sales over the phone, but even that was service-to-sales. People would call in and say “Why is my bill so high?”

I would solve their problem, befriend them, and then I would say, “Hey, how about making your bill even higher by buying these additional services?”

And even that I only did for a month. So I don’t have any fuckin’ sales experience.

But today, I was like: “Fuck it, you know what, maybe we could promote the app…”

This is the app I’m promoting by the way, Mike’s Escape, a free Android game, you can see it by clicking here.

Or if you’re showing your friends, it looks like this if you’re searching for it:

Obviously our podcast fucking sucks, nobody listens to it. But, maybe we can get on some other people’s podcats, and then that would help. I mean, Joe Rogan’s got a massive podcast. Just gotta build up these platforms, you know. By having high quality content ideally.

So I went on Youtube, and just typed in “podcast”. Then I was playing with the filter. So uploaded this week, uploaded this hour, view count, rating, shit like that. Trying to find podcasts with the lowest views, because if you think about it, the people with the lowest views will have the least amount going on. If I say, “Hey, I’m looking to get on the podcast to promote this app.” They’ll say, “Sure, we got nothing better going on.”

And if someone out there wants to promote their app, website, whatever,  feel free to come on the MoonChimps Podcast anytime. We’ll have you on for 6 hours if you want. Come on. We’ll be happy to have you.

So yeah, I emailed a few of those people, and you know, knocked on their door so to speak.

When I was doing door-to-door sales as a kid, a lot of people wouldn’t even open their door. They wouldn’t open their door for a couple reasons:

1) Well, they weren’t home. Sometimes you knock on somebody’s door and they’re not even home. That’s easily 20% of all houses.

2) If they are home, they can think, “Well, I don’t know this fuckin’ kid – I’m not gonna open the door.” So, some of these people I’m emailing might get the email, and just say “Fuck this guy.”

But yeah, I’m just gonna keep sending out emails. Contacting people on youtube, seeing if we can get on some people’s podcasts. ‘Cause this is shameless self promotion. I’m just gonna keep knocking on doors and see where it gets me.

Have fun out there,
-MoonChimps Media

Will I ever meet James Altucher?

If you liked that hook, keep reading for the bland, expected conclusion.

What’s up guys, Jonny here from MoonChimps Media. Having a good weekend? I’m just checking in to do my daily freewrite. I did one yesterday too, but I didn’t want to publish it.

Fuck I love freewriting. I’m not constrained at all, you know? That’s where my writer’s block came from. I always felt like I was writing too colloquially. I held myself back, to make sure I was writing “properly”.

If I talk to someone or a group, I can get my point across well. My timing is good. I can come up with some decent punchlines on the spot. Now, after two years, I’m finally starting to write the way I talk. It feels extremely freeing.

One writer who has inspired me for years is James Altucher. At first his writing was too “defeated” for me, and I was almost offended by his level of vulnerability. It was confusing at first. But America loves an underdog and I love the sheer volume of product he puts out. Not just his books and podcasts, I’m most impressed by all the damn emails I get from him.

I signed up for his email list he first or second time on his site, and I’ve got hundreds  of emails since then. They swamped my inbox. They were all so good, but I didn’t have time to read all of them. I’d check my email the next day, and there’s be even more. He buried me with free, high-quality content.

I eventually just made an email folder called “Altucher”, and I dump them all in there. I never delete them, because why would I? They’re like a candy I stash away for later. Any time I’m stuck in an airport, I’ll just sit there and burn through the stockpile.

I gotta get a haircut today.

I mean, fuck. I was saying something, wasn’t I? James Altucher. Right.

Will I ever meet James Altucher? I’m only 26. What are the chance I’ll meet him before I’m 40? That’s 14 years. I’d say 100%. I don’t “need” to meet him, but it would be really cool. I’m a fangirl at heart.

I remember last January when I went to the BBQ of Destiny. I honestly spent like $1,000 that weekend, between the flights, rental car, gas, food, and hotel. But it still stands out as one of the “highlight reel” moments of my life so far. I was a huge fangirl about meeting Victor Pride, and I talked about it for months after. I’m talking about it right now! Haha.

It was also about meeting my peers, fellow Ronin, the young and hungry castaways.

For years, I remember waking up at 6am on Saturdays and Sundays to turn on my laptop, drink coffee, and work on “my brand”. Whatever blind, nervous attempt it was at the time. The 100+ young men at that barbeque all had the same stories. They all had the same feeling in their gut. They were born to build something, deep in the bones they know they are on this planet to build something.

There were a lot of first impressions made that day, about 100. Some of those guys were already making a full time income independently, and they did it their way.

Some people had a day job, and hadn’t made the decision yet. They were still listening to their bones and weighing a couple different paths.

And there were also guys like me and Dylan Madden. Guys who released all their demons through audio, video, and text. Guys who poured their blood, sweat, and tears online – hosted on their own .com address.

And shit, me and Dylan both rebranded around the same time – 6 months before the BBQ of Destiny or so. He upgraded to Calm and collected.com, and I upgraded to MoonChimps.com

The internet has made the world so connected, so ripe for the taking. I vividly remember the summer before I went to high school. Well really, I just remember one day that summer. My family went to Ohio to visit my Aunt for a few days. I was in the upstairs bathroom, and they had glass digital scale. I thought it looked so expensive. I got on it, and I only weighed 109lbs. I remember I was scared I wouldn’t have any friends, maybe even get bullied or beat up.

Some of my friends would end up going to the same Catholic high school I did, and some went to the public school past the 7-11. Turned out that everyone at my high school was friendly, and it worked out fine.

But I remember being scared to go to that “new” school. It’s a scary thing! It’s scary to go outside your comfort zone.

So how did a poor Polish kid from Canada end up in LA smoking cigars with Dylan Madden? And how the fuck did Dyaln Madden end up there, wasn’t he 240lbs, out of shape and depressed? Didn’t he have ADHD and anger issues?

Unfortunately for the competition (there is no competition), we were brainwashed by Victor Pride. All we have to do is follow our destiny.

So, to answer my own question a second time, I’m fairly confident I’ll meet James Altucher someday. Probably not any time soon, but eventually.

Have fun out there,

-MoonChimps Media

How to Deal With Suicidal Thoughts (by Our Friend Dylan Madden)

What’s up guys, Jonny from Moon Chimps Media here.

We’ve been getting a bit of traffic on our discord server and from google from….suicide related search traffic.

Which, hey, thanks for coming by and checking out the site.

But if you want something with a bit more substance to hold you over, you can check out this article from our friend Dylan Madden. 

Suicidal thoughts and depression are not fun. Maybe Dylan Madden’s words will get you fired up and ready to kick some ass instead.

Here’s that link one more time.

Have fun out there,
-Moon Chimps Media