Best Two Ways To Stay Awake At Night For Work

Good morning folks, Jonny here from MoonChimps Media.

Seeing as I worked the 3:30am-7:30am shift for my day job the past two days, I figured today’s 100 word freewrite would be on the “Best Ways To Stay Awake At Night For Work.”

For me personally, the #1 way to stay awake is to drink coffee. Every once in a while I have to work with a person who “doesn’t drink coffee”, and J gotta say, it sucks. To clarify, there are tons of people who use the phrase “I don’t drink coffee”, but they’re awake when they say it, and have a Monster, Amp, or Rockstar in their hand when they say it. Those people are totally fine. Some of those people are my best friends.

I’m talking about the, (pardon my French), useless cocksuckers who can’t keep their eyes open, but absolutely refuse to drink coffee or energy drinks to stay awake. Remedy your fucking situation, guy. To return to my original point, for me personally, the #1 way to stay awake for work is to drink coffee.

And to make a couple distinctions, coffee is a diuretic, and it also makes me tired. I traditionally have always drank my coffee black, but for the past two weeks, I’ve been drinking really shitty coffee. So, at age 26, I’ve finally succumb to putting sugar in my coffee. I’ve toughed it out for the past 8 years of my life, but this 50 cent vending machine coffee really is that bad. On the plus side, I discovered that the sugar helps keep me awake, and gives me a bit more energy. So if you’re trying to stay awake at night for work, from my experience, adding sugar to your coffee may help.


My second distinction, was that coffee is a diuretic. Ideally, once I get a coffee in my hand, I chug a bottle of over before I take that first sip.  It prevents me from getting dehydrated, and keeps me feeling somewhat-less burnt out when I’m trying to stay awake at night for work. Notice I said ideally though. I usually skip that step.

The second best way to stay for me to stay awake for work, personally, is to stand up.

I originally learned to stay on my feet when I worked as a security guard, years ago. If you keep walking around “doing patrols”, the time goes slightly faster and you stay awake. If you sit down for too long, your body starts to rest, and before you know it, you’re fighting to keep your eyes open. I’ve fallen asleep standing up before (as recently as 3 weeks ago), but generally, you last a hell of a lot longer than if you were sitting down.

Standing up when I’m sleepy is a habit I’ve kept in my back pocket, when I have to do paperwork late at night, or I’m just sleepy and moving slow during the day. At any time of day, standing up instead of sitting down helps me focus and get my work done.

I’d write more, but I have to go down the hall for a meeting in 15 minutes, and I feel a big poop in my immediate future. Will I be able to poop and make it there in time? Tune in tomorrow for the exciting conclusion.

Have fun out there,

-MoonChimps Media




How Many words should comedians write per day?

What’s up guys, Jonny here from MoonChimps Media.

I’m trying something new today! I’ve been doing stand-up comedy since last-last January. I had always known I would do stand-up comedy, ever since I was nine years old.

I was nine years old when my father had a heart attack and passed away. Suddenly, I had one less parent and a lot less structure and supervision in my life.

My mom worked days and was busy in the evenings, so I spent a lot of time with the Universal American Parenting Program, also known as cable TV.

After channel surfing for a bit, I always seemed to end up watching stand-up comedy, action/comedy movies, or sitcoms. I watched TV for easily 3-6 hours a day, and almost all of it was either set ups or punch lines.

Fast forward to today, January 15th 2018. I own a small media company with two of my friends. We started it as a terrible handdrawn webcomic website, and quickly branched out into browser games, game apps, and animations.

We started a discord server for people who play our games, and it immediately turned into a thriving suicide prevention group. How? You’d have to read the original post. We only half-know in hindsight from keywords and search traffic. It was just the magical chaos of the internet.

Okay, but why the fuck am I writing this article?

Like I said, I started off as a stand up comedian in January 2016. That was two full years ago, and I’ve had writer’s block for two full years.

I’m not a lazy person – anyone who knows me can vouch for my work ethic – but everytime I say down to write “jokes” or “material”, aside from a few bullet points or word bubbles, the page would stay blank.

Two fucking years, I’ve been living with this. It happens with the MoonChimps Podcast as well. In casual conversation, the funny switch on the side of my brain is on, and I can spew some wild, inappropriate shit out of my voice box. But when there’s a microphone, or a blank piece of paper….I freeze up and those humor-neurons just won’t fire.

So now that we’ve gone over some context, history, and the problem – we can talk about my attempt at a solution. Instead of writing “material”, I’m just going to write. I’m going to write every day, and I’m going to write about whatever makes the pen move.

I’m setting the bar low. I’m setting the bar on the ground, so I can just walk over it.

If I can write 100 words a day, I’m happy. 500 would be nice, but 100 is plenty. That’s an easy habit to start, and as a daily habit,  it would take longer to think of an excuse than it would be to just write the 100 words. As the weeks and months go by, it will eventually add up.

To summarize, the reason I’m writing this article, is just to hit my 100 words a day and break my writer’s block. If you could see the 3.5 pages I just wrote (you can below), maybe you would have the same mischievous smirk that I do right now, because I finally broke my two-year writer’s block.

Have fun out there,

-MoonChimps Media




Three Medications to Bring With You to Work Every Day

What’s up guys, Jonny from MoonChimps Media here.

Our buddy and resident drug connosieur Green Valor just made a video on the three medications he brings to work everyday. What medications should you bring to work every day? Maybe his video can help you decide.

If you want answers faster, scroll down and you can see his video as an article. Just ’cause we love you.


Hey guys, GreenValor.

Today I’m going to talk about the importance of bringing some basic medicine with you to work.

This is my little medicine container. As you can see, that’s a fuckin’ joint right there. My after-work medication.

So in here, I have a few basic pills. Over the counter shit. Nothing illegal, just stuff you might want to bring to work with you, to help you get through the day.

I’ve got here aspirin, 81mg. This is for, say you’re having heart issues, or there’s someone at work who needs it but doesn’t have it, you have some aspirin with you. To reduce inflammation, might want some aspirin.

Got some Aleve in here, I use this for joint pain. This is 12 hour Aleve, this will help me through my shift. If I get joint pain, which I do constantly because I work in a factory. Constantly moving heavy plastic parts around. My shoulders, alot of the time, get knocked up a bit. Aleve helps me with that.

And of course, Tylenol, 500mg. Headaches, fever, Tylenol’s good for that.

With these three pills, I’ve covered all my bases. I dont know if I’ve gone over this before, but I get a bit of anxiety, start to get heart palpatations. The aspirin helps immensely with that. My blood pressure is normal, I get it checked and it’s always fine. But I get paranoid about that.

The aspirin, 81mg, it’s coated so that it doesn’t destroy the lining of my stomach. I genuinely feel better if I take one.

So, those are the three pills I’ve been bringing to work for a few weeks now, just in case. I don’t use them every day, but in case I get massive joint pain and I need it to get through the day, or I get a headache, or maybe I come in to work hungover. They’re great.

I don’t like to take Tylenol. It hurts your organs, but if I need it, I need it.

And of course the aspirin, if I get heart palpatations, or if I get paranoid for whatever reason. ’cause I drink a lot of energy drinks, and those do not help with your blood pressure. They spike it, and makes things hard to deal with. The aspirin counteracts that.

You could say, “Just don’t drink energy drinks and you’d be perfectly fine, Mike.”

… That’s just not the way I live my life, I guess.

Anyways guys, I’m gonna upload this, the importance of bringing a little bit of medicine with you to work. You don’t have to put it in a container like I do. I do it for convenience.

I have them in the actual bottles at home. This container is just so I don’t have to bring a bunch of bottles around. And so when I’m at home, I don’t have to bring the bottles out of my bag. Total convenience, I have everything I need in here. And of course, the joint fits right there. In my opinion: Awesome.

I have three minutes before I have to head out to work. You guys have a good day!

Have fun out there,

-MoonChimps Media