The Man With The Fedora (A Poem)

The Man With The Fedora

There was a man with a hat
A fedora, in fact
And he wore it everyday

until his last day,
which unequivocally is the same day
as today

The man had a house
Well it’s more of a loft
It’s defined as a condo, but that doesn’t rhyme so
We’ll just call it a loft

The man woke up, with a sneeze and a cough
He had a nice bed, big and soft

He rolled out of bed
and almost bumped his head
He was an old man with old bones

He went into the kitchen
But his slippers were slippin’
And he fell right on his ass

He tried to get up
But he was stuck on his butt
So he sat and sat and sat

He sat
Until, hours later, a bat
Flew over to his rescue

It wasn’t strong enough
Bats are not buff
But he kept trying and trying

Eventually though,
By push and tow
The man got back on his feet

So the man was able
Without a walker or cable
To perambulate here and there

He had an appointment to keep
Or rather, to meet
That was the point of the day

He was hours late
So he made haste
And he rushed about the house

He threw on a jacket
And a tie to match it
Then he swung open the door

He flew down the stairs
His body Bellaire
So he fell head over heels
And heels over head
And head over heels
And heels over head again

donk donk donk donk donk

Hitting elbows, and knees
And elbows off knees
This old man was getting hurt

As the man rolled
His hand caught hold
Of a railing that joined his tumble

It broke free from the wall
And it joined his fall
Beating the shit out of the old man

His body cracked
And his bones snapped
All that was left was a pop

He continued his descent
Until he met the cement
The cement of the ground floor

His arm broke his fall
But his fall broke his arm
Wordplay aside, that’s gotta hurt

He was badly beat
Just a bloody heap
Lying at the bottom of the stairs

His ears were leaking,
His body was bleeding
Gotta say, sucks for him

And now we are at the story’s end
Bottom of the stairs, an old man dead
Goddamnit that’s depressing.

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