Will I ever meet James Altucher?

Will I ever meet James Altucher?

If you liked that hook, keep reading for the bland, expected conclusion.

What’s up guys, Jonny here from MoonChimps Media. Having a good weekend? I’m just checking in to do my daily freewrite. I did one yesterday too, but I didn’t want to publish it.

Fuck I love freewriting. I’m not constrained at all, you know? That’s where my writer’s block came from. I always felt like I was writing too colloquially. I held myself back, to make sure I was writing “properly”.

If I talk to someone or a group, I can get my point across well. My timing is good. I can come up with some decent punchlines on the spot. Now, after two years, I’m finally starting to write the way I talk. It feels extremely freeing.

One writer who has inspired me for years is James Altucher. At first his writing was too “defeated” for me, and I was almost offended by his level of vulnerability. It was confusing at first. But America loves an underdog and I love the sheer volume of product he puts out. Not just his books and podcasts, I’m most impressed by all the damn emails I get from him.

I signed up for his email list he first or second time on his site, and I’ve got hundreds¬† of emails since then. They swamped my inbox. They were all so good, but I didn’t have time to read all of them. I’d check my email the next day, and there’s be even more. He buried me with free, high-quality content.

I eventually just made an email folder called “Altucher”, and I dump them all in there. I never delete them, because why would I? They’re like a candy I stash away for later. Any time I’m stuck in an airport, I’ll just sit there and burn through the stockpile.

I gotta get a haircut today.

I mean, fuck. I was saying something, wasn’t I? James Altucher. Right.

Will I ever meet James Altucher? I’m only 26. What are the chance I’ll meet him before I’m 40? That’s 14 years. I’d say 100%. I don’t “need” to meet him, but it would be really cool. I’m a fangirl at heart.

I remember last January when I went to the BBQ of Destiny. I honestly spent like $1,000 that weekend, between the flights, rental car, gas, food, and hotel. But it still stands out as one of the “highlight reel” moments of my life so far. I was a huge fangirl about meeting Victor Pride, and I talked about it for months after. I’m talking about it right now! Haha.

It was also about meeting my peers, fellow Ronin, the young and hungry castaways.

For years, I remember waking up at 6am on Saturdays and Sundays to turn on my laptop, drink coffee, and work on “my brand”. Whatever blind, nervous attempt it was at the time. The 100+ young men at that barbeque all had the same stories. They all had the same feeling in their gut. They were born to build something, deep in the bones they know they are on this planet to build something.

There were a lot of first impressions made that day, about 100. Some of those guys were already making a full time income independently, and they did it their way.

Some people had a day job, and hadn’t made the decision yet. They were still listening to their bones and weighing a couple different paths.

And there were also guys like me and Dylan Madden. Guys who released all their demons through audio, video, and text. Guys who poured their blood, sweat, and tears online – hosted on their own .com address.

And shit, me and Dylan both rebranded around the same time – 6 months before the BBQ of Destiny or so. He upgraded to Calm and collected.com, and I upgraded to MoonChimps.com

The internet has made the world so connected, so ripe for the taking. I vividly remember the summer before I went to high school. Well really, I just remember one day that summer. My family went to Ohio to visit my Aunt for a few days. I was in the upstairs bathroom, and they had glass digital scale. I thought it looked so expensive. I got on it, and I only weighed 109lbs. I remember I was scared I wouldn’t have any friends, maybe even get bullied or beat up.

Some of my friends would end up going to the same Catholic high school I did, and some went to the public school past the 7-11. Turned out that everyone at my high school was friendly, and it worked out fine.

But I remember being scared to go to that “new” school. It’s a scary thing! It’s scary to go outside your comfort zone.

So how did a poor Polish kid from Canada end up in LA smoking cigars with Dylan Madden? And how the fuck did Dyaln Madden end up there, wasn’t he 240lbs, out of shape and depressed? Didn’t he have ADHD and anger issues?

Unfortunately for the competition (there is no competition), we were brainwashed by Victor Pride. All we have to do is follow our destiny.

So, to answer my own question a second time, I’m fairly confident I’ll meet James Altucher someday. Probably not any time soon, but eventually.

Have fun out there,

-MoonChimps Media

Working Night Shift: How To Stay Awake At Night For Work

Working Night Shift: how to stay awake for work.

Good morning folks, Jonny here from MoonChimps Media.

Seeing as I worked the 3:30am-7:30am shift for my day job the past two days, I figured today’s 100 word freewrite would be on the “Best Ways To Stay Awake At Night For Work.”

For me personally, the #1 way to stay awake is to drink coffee. Every once in a while I have to work with a person who “doesn’t drink coffee”, and J gotta say, it sucks. To clarify, there are tons of people who use the phrase “I don’t drink coffee”, but they’re awake when they say it, and have a Monster, Amp, or Rockstar in their hand when they say it. Those people are totally fine. Some of those people are my best friends.

I’m talking about the, (pardon my French), useless cocksuckers who can’t keep their eyes open, but absolutely refuse to drink coffee or energy drinks to stay awake. Remedy your fucking situation, guy. To return to my original point, for me personally, the #1 way to stay awake for work is to drink coffee.

And to make a couple distinctions, coffee is a diuretic, and it also makes me tired. I traditionally have always drank my coffee black, but for the past two weeks, I’ve been drinking really shitty coffee. So, at age 26, I’ve finally succumb to putting sugar in my coffee. I’ve toughed it out for the past 8 years of my life, but this 50 cent vending machine coffee really is that bad. On the plus side, I discovered that the sugar helps keep me awake, and gives me a bit more energy. So if you’re trying to stay awake at night for work, from my experience, adding sugar to your coffee may help.



My second distinction, was that coffee is a diuretic. Ideally, once I get a coffee in my hand, I chug a bottle of over before I take that first sip.¬† It prevents me from getting dehydrated, and keeps me feeling somewhat-less burnt out when I’m trying to stay awake at night for work. Notice I said ideally though. I usually skip that step.

The second best way to stay for me to stay awake for work, personally, is to stand up.

I originally learned to stay on my feet when I worked as a security guard, years ago. If you keep walking around “doing patrols”, the time goes slightly faster and you stay awake. If you sit down for too long, your body starts to rest, and before you know it, you’re fighting to keep your eyes open. I’ve fallen asleep standing up before (as recently as 3 weeks ago), but generally, you last a hell of a lot longer than if you were sitting down.

Standing up when I’m sleepy is a habit I’ve kept in my back pocket, when I have to do paperwork late at night, or I’m just sleepy and moving slow during the day. At any time of day, standing up instead of sitting down helps me focus and get my work done.

I’d write more, but I have to go down the hall for a meeting in 15 minutes, and I feel a big poop in my immediate future. Will I be able to poop and make it there in time? Tune in tomorrow for the exciting conclusion.

Have fun out there,

-MoonChimps Media

PS: If you’re falling asleep at work, you could read our book Fuzzy Details for free here.



How Many words should comedians write per day?

How many words should comedians write per day?

What’s up guys, Jonny here from MoonChimps Media.

how many words should comedians write per day

I’m trying something new today! I’ve been doing stand-up comedy since last-last January. I had always known I would do stand-up comedy, ever since I was nine years old.

I was nine years old when my father had a heart attack and passed away. Suddenly, I had one less parent and a lot less structure and supervision in my life.

My mom worked days and was busy in the evenings, so I spent a lot of time with the Universal American Parenting Program, also known as cable TV.

After channel surfing for a bit, I always seemed to end up watching stand-up comedy, action/comedy movies, or sitcoms. I watched TV for easily 3-6 hours a day, and almost all of it was either set ups or punch lines.

Fast forward to today, January 15th 2018. I own a small media company with two of my friends. We started it as a terrible handdrawn webcomic website, and quickly branched out into browser games, game apps, and animations.

We started a discord server for people who play our games, and it immediately turned into a thriving suicide prevention group. How? You’d have to read the original post. We only half-know in hindsight from keywords and search traffic. It was just the magical chaos of the internet.

Okay, but why the fuck am I writing this article?

Like I said, I started off as a stand up comedian in January 2016. That was two full years ago, and I’ve had writer’s block for two full years.

I’m not a lazy person – anyone who knows me can vouch for my work ethic – but everytime I say down to write “jokes” or “material”, aside from a few bullet points or word bubbles, the page would stay blank.

Two fucking years, I’ve been living with this. It happens with the MoonChimps Podcast as well. In casual conversation, the funny switch on the side of my brain is on, and I can spew some wild, inappropriate shit out of my voice box. But when there’s a microphone, or a blank piece of paper….I freeze up and those humor-neurons just won’t fire.

So now that we’ve gone over some context, history, and the problem – we can talk about my attempt at a solution. Instead of writing “material”, I’m just going to write. I’m going to write every day, and I’m going to write about whatever makes the pen move.

I’m setting the bar low. I’m setting the bar on the ground, so I can just walk over it.

If I can write 100 words a day, I’m happy. 500 would be nice, but 100 is plenty. That’s an easy habit to start, and as a daily habit,¬† it would take longer to think of an excuse than it would be to just write the 100 words. As the weeks and months go by, it will eventually add up.

To summarize, the reason I’m writing this article, is just to hit my 100 words a day and break my writer’s block. If you could see the 3.5 pages I just wrote (you can below), maybe you would have the same mischievous smirk that I do right now, because I finally broke my two-year writer’s block.

If you still have writer’s block, check out our friend Dylan Madden’s article How to Never Run out of Creative Juices.

Have fun out there,
-MoonChimps Media